A fairy, a pyromaniac and a jeep full of explosive
by LadyVenomTheDreamer
Summary: A "two girls end up in middle earth" story with a twist. What happens when two characters from one fic get stuck in another/ Featuring A leprecaun with ADHD, a pyromaniac and a jeep full of explosives


_The night was dark and the air was still. A small figure dressed in black crouched before the door of the headmaster's office. Two pale blonde braids stuck out from under her ninja's hood. She spoke into a walkie talkie._

"_Pixie to Firefly, Pixie to Firefly, comes in Firefly." _

_There was nothing on the other end. Had something gone wrong?_

"_Pixie to Firefly, come in Firefly."_

_She sighed._

"_Leprechaun to Firefly."_

"_I hear you Leprechaun, are you in position Leprechaun?"_

"_For the last time Myria I am not a Leprechaun." The blonde ninja argued_

"_You're short and Irish, deal with it." Myria (aka Firefly) cut off rudely._

"_Fine," the blonde ninja inserted her lock picks into the door. She dropped them and swore when they glowed red hot and melted out of shape._

"_Someone's been practising his security spells." She muttered._

"_Can't you do anything about it?" Myria asked frustrated._

"_I do illusions Myria!" For a moment she forgot the codenames. "If you wanted him to see bats everywhere that's fine but security spells are bit harder."_

"_And my specialty is setting things on fire and blowing them up. Are you the thief or not Katie?" Myria/Firefly demanded._

"_I can do it," Katie/Pixie/Leprechaun insisted. "But it'll take time."_

"_Good." Myria/Firefly told her. "Have you got the package?"_

"_If you mean the laxatives then yeah,"_

"_I wonder how long it will be before he figures it out." Katie could hear the smirk in her friend's voice. "Now remember it's only the green ones that are laxatives. The blue ones make him paranoid."_

"_What about the red ones?" Katie asked as she fished around in her pocket for a separate set of lock picks._

"_They make him horny," Myria laughed. "Are we replacing all the M&Ms?" _

"_No, just half of them, he'll get suspicious if it's all of them."_

"_By the time we're through with him we're going to have a very horny, paranoid headmaster in a man-nappy." Myria giggled like a hyena on drugs._

"_Brilliant," she tried the new lock picks and the door clicked. She opened it and disappeared in a flash of light._

"What the hell?" I clicked a few buttons. We'd been working on a story. Some people say "oh this story writes itself" but in our case it was more literal. I'd written up to Katie trying to pick the lock but the story had physically started to write itself, I had no idea what the flash of light was about. I tired pressing the delete button but it didn't work.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Not sure." Lady Venom said.

"Well that was odd."

Lady Venom and I were in my headquarters aka the Crystal Palace. She was dressed like a gothic queen in a long black dress and gothic makeup and long straight black hair. Today I'd decided to take on the form of a small brown hawk with my head. I change my mind a lot so my form was always changing.

My penguin henchmen scuttled around the place, many of them carrying test tubes full of coloured liquid in their flippers, some testing various gadgets and equipment. A penguin dressed as batman was testing suction cups by climbing up the clear crystal walls. Suddenly the light went out and we all looked around. That's the good thing about having penguins for henchmen, they don't scream like school girls. About thirty seconds of darkness passed before the lights came back on. I looked back at the computer.

_Suddenly the two girls found themselves in a very dark room where there were many penguins standing around._

Oh hell

"Lionel!" I summed my head penguin. When he didn't appear I pressed a red button on my desk, sounding the alarm. By alarm of course I mean a weird honking/growling noise that sounds like a duck wrestling with an alligator. Lionel shuffled frankly into the room holding his clipboard.

"Yes?"

"The fic had taken on a life of its own and according to what's written, it looks out they were here during the blackout." Who knows what they'd gotten up to? "Is there anything missing?"

Lionel looked at his clipboard. "We appear to be missing the following." He handed it to Lady venom who showed it to me. Most of the items missing included various explosives and random gadgets. The weird thing was not even I knew what most of them did.

"They did all of this in thirty seconds?" That was impressive.

"That's not all." Lionel hesitated.

"What?"

"They appear to have taken the cross dimensional transport."

"But that was experimental." I protested. "Oh god who knows where they've gone,"

"Oh wonderful." Lady venom said sarcastically. "Do you know where they went?"

"You should see for yourselves." Lionel suggested. We went to the room where the transport used to be. (Well Lady venom walked, I perched on her shoulder). The original machine looked like a small rocket with wheels on a train track but the rocket was gone. I hopped onto the computer near the track and checked the little screen.

"Oh fuck."

"What?" Lady Venom asked. "What's happened?"

"You are not going to believe this."

"Why, what happened?"

"They're in Middle Earth." I replied.

"Oh shit a brick." Lady Venom's new favourite expression.

"A fairy and a pyromaniac are now stuck in middle earth with a bunch of explosives." I groaned.

The story we'd been working on was originally a Harry Potter fan fiction of a sort, we thought it would be fun to write about a school in the same universe, just in a different country. Wolfsbane academy was born. Eventually we realised the restrictions of writing a story set in a universe someone else had created so we'd been trying to find ways to make Wolfsbane more original. We liked being able to create our own type of magic, magical creature etc. After all, JK Rowling wasn't the first person to write about a magic school. Cackle's academy in The Worst Witch was around a long time before Hogwarts ever existed. Making Wolfsbane more original was going to be a challenge given it's fan fiction origins but we were confident. One thing we had going for us was that out characters were different from the Hogwarts kids. Katie and Myria weren't the main characters of the story, more like the comic relief but they'd both become personal favourites.

Katie O'Conner was an Irish girl, her father was a warlock (the word we used instead of wizard) and her mother had elven and fairy blood. This gave Katie some unique powers. She had ADHD and she was always hyperactive and never able to pay attention to anything for a great length of time. She entered the story when the main characters entered their second year, Katie moved to Canada after the death of her parents. The headmaster of Wolfsbane had been an old friend of her father.

Myria Blackwood had been as Wolfsbane since the beginning, a red-haired pyromaniac who had destructive tendencies. Originally she played pranks on people with her twin Myranda. Myria and Myranda might have looked similar but in personality were completely different. Myria was destructive and rude, and Myranda was nicer and more girly. It wasn't hard to tell them apart physically as their clothes and hair were completely different as they formed their own identities. Myranda had never been as enthusiastic as Myria when it came to the pranks and after the arrival of Katie, Myranda had decided to spend less time with her twin and more with other friends.

Myria and Katie had bonded instantly and were now best friends. Though the Headmaster Calius Mistletoe was often their girls' favourite victim, he usually faced their practical jokes with good humour as he got up to similar jokes when he was younger. Besides, most of their jokes on "Cal" were pretty harmless. Katie had talked Myria into restricting her destructive tendencies to fireworks.

"Should we call Cal?" I asked Lady Venom.

"It's worth a try," she agreed.

"Computer!" I called out like a caption in a clique space program.

"Si." The Computer's voice echoed off the crystal walls. I still hadn't figured out how to get the language settings off Spanish.

"We need to contact Calius Mistletoe."

"Si."

A glowing screen appeared in front of us showing a dark haired man sitting at a desk. Not only was Cal the headmaster, he was also the teacher of the shape shifting class, Calius himself could take on the form of a black wolf with his bright blue eyes.

"Remember, Myria's a shifter too," Lady Venom reminded me.

"Oh god, there's no telling what she'll do with that."The shape shifting class in Wolfsbane was an elective, not all students made it. In a classroom full of thirty kids only ten or so would succeed, and ten was being optimistic. Myria was one of the few students who'd made it (she could turn into a tiger) the man character of the series was Cal's niece Kerri who could turn into a deer. Katie didn't have an animal form, but her fairy powers gave her ability to take on a fairy form (a miniature winged person in a ball of light), in the Wolfsbane universe this was what fairies looked like but they could also take on a humanoid form which looked like a small child, hence all the myths about elves the size of children. Whenever Katie did something really bad Cal used to stick in her in a jar as punishment.

I turned to Lady Venom.

"You should talk to him, he's your character. He won't respond to me."

"Calius!" She called. We knew from experience that trying to talk to a character through the magic window was like talking to someone under water, it was hard to get the message across. Cal opened up a draw in his desk to reveal that the entire draw was filled to the brim with M&Ms. He grabbed a fistful and shoved them into his mouth.

"Calius Mistletoe!" Venom spoke louder.

"Hmm?" He looked up. "Oh it's you two." No one in the Wolfsbane word knew they were fictional. As far as Calius was concerned we were two "mystic beings" who occasionally dropped in and liked to make his life miserable. Cal pressed a button and spoke into a speaker box on his desk, unlike Hogwarts electricity worked here.

"Lou Anne!"

A sigh came from the speaker.

"Yes headmaster?" A deep male voice asked in a depressed tone.  
"I'm going to need three mugs of hot chocolate."

"None for us thanks," Lady smiled.

"Oh don't worry they're all for me." Calius said with a chuckle. I rolled my eyes, one of the many traits we'd given him was the ability to drink as many hot chocolates as he wanted without getting fat. Our excuse was that shape shifting took so much energy.

"Do you have to be so mean to him?" I felt sorry for Cal's deputy Jeremiah Slate. Cal liked to treat him like a secretary and call him by various girls' names, it was a new name everyday. Lady Venom gave me a look that said "we built him remember? He's the way he is because we made him."

"I didn't ask for him," Cal argued. Wolfsbane was a private school and the position of headmaster was inherited, a rule built in by the first headmaster to ensure that the school would never come under the control of the council (the magic form of government in their universe.) This system was really the only explanation for how a goofball like Calius managed to become headmaster.

One of Cal's ancestors was a bit of a pushover and did a deal with the council, the council could choose two staff members (and one of them would be the deputy) who would report back to the council. This was to ensure that if the school came under the control of a bad headmaster the council would know. There were several public schools run by the council but the council had forbidden them from teaching anything that would show them in a bad light, thus anyone who could afford it sent their kids to Wolfsbane to give them a better education.

Slate came in with three mugs of hot chocolate and put them down. He looked at us.

"Talking to the mystic beings again?" His depressed tone made him sound like Lurch from _the Addams Family._

"None of your business Lou Anne,"

Slate left.

"Now," he took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Was there any reason in particular for dropping in?"

"Yes," I decided to get straight to the point. "Katie and Myria have gone."

"I thought it was quiet." He downed the rest of the mug.

"Someone teleported them here," Lady Venom explained.

"Well they're your problem now." He started on a second mug.

"There not here," Lady Venom told him.

"Well where are they?" He asked. "Somewhere pointless knowing those two."

"Middle Earth," I told him.

A look of alarm crossed him face and he almost spit out his hot chocolate.

"What?!"

"They stole our car and took it to middle earth along with all the explosives they could carry."

"Good luck with that." The message was clear _she's your problem now._

"Why don't you help us?" I asked. "I bet with your wolf sense of smell you could track them easily."

"Why don't you ask broom lady? She's an elf, she'll fit in easily." He'd name the other council elected staff member. She was an elf who used the human name Diana Forest, Cal had made her head of discipline because she was good at it, and she was the only staff member besides Cal himself that Katie and Myria were scared of. He called her "broom lady" behind her back because she was stick thin and he claimed, she walked around like she had a broom shoved up her backside. She and Cal had a one night stand in College and there was some unresolved tension between them.

"We're asking you," Lady Venom told him.

"I wish I could," Cal stretched his arms and took another sip of hot chocolate, "but I've got some very important work to do."

"Like what?" Not even we knew what he did all day, apart from teaching the shape shifting class (which was mostly practical work anyway) he didn't seem to do a lot of actual work.

"M&M duty," He shovelled another fistful of candy.

"Screen off," I commanded. I turned to Lady Venom.

"What do you think we should do?"

"What if we created a character in the Lord of The Rings world to capture them?" She suggested.

"Then do what? I think we're going to have to go after them ourselves." I shuddered at the idea of tramping all over middle earth to find an ADHD leprechaun and a pyromaniac.

"I guess you're right, the penguins will have to build another transport thought."

"Yeah,"

"One of us should probably stay here to keep an eye on the story and what's happening." Lady Venom suggested. "We also need to know if they've ended up in the movie version or the book."

"Why?" Linel the penguin asked.

"Because according to the movie everything was just an hour's ride away from each other, didn't you notice how none of their horses ever got tired? But in the book version the whole journey took about a year," lady venom explained.

"You're right Venom, which version it is could make all the difference. And one of us should stay here, once one of us is inserted into the story we won't be able to spy on the other characters anymore."

I instructed the penguins to build another transport device and we looked back at the fic. I perched on the back of the chair Lady Venom was sitting in.

_The rocket crashed to the ground breaking into pieces._

"Damn it, I muttered.

_The girl got up and dusted themselves off._

"_That was a brilliant idea," Myria said sarcastically. "We could have been killed."_

"_But we weren't." Katie chirped._

"_Well what do we do now? The rocket's wreaked."_

_Katie whipped out her wand and Myria followed suit._

Oh great, what are they doing now

_And now the remains of the rocket had been turned into a jeep. They threw all their gear into the back._

"_Katie?" Myria asked._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Maybe we shouldn't walk around middle earth dressed as ninjas."_

"_Oh yeah." _

_Katie changed her clothes by spinning around really fast like a cartoon character, Myria just climbed into the back seat of the jeep amongst the explosives._

_Katie was now wearing a tunic that that went down to her knees and matching leggings, both the same shade of moss green as her large eyes. She had little brown boots and on her back was her infamous "faerie bow". Instead of iron arrow heads, the arrows had a bubble on the end, Katie often put potions in the bubbles so she could hit people from a distance. Unfortunately the bow was small and didn't have a great range._

_Myria wore a red shirt a shade darker than her short red hair and modern jeans._

"_We should get ponies!" Katie giggled. 'I love ponies."_

"_Yesterday you said you wanted a monkey," Myria reminded her. "Besides we have the jeep."_

"_I still want a monkey," Katie sniffed._

"_Tough," Myria climbed into the jeep. "Plus I get to drive."_

"_Why do you get to drive?" Katie whined._

"_You get to read the map," Myria thrust a copy of lord of the rings into Katie's hand. "There should be one in the back."_

_The girls started on their journey._

I turned to Venom.

"Somehow I just know this isn't going to end well."

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